


What happens when it ends

by MarVal93



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, F/M, Heartbreak, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:49:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24244561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarVal93/pseuds/MarVal93
Summary: In ending their relationship, Spock was being selfish and selfless at the same time. “The good of the many outweighs the good of the few,” he had said so many times before. She never thought it would apply to her.
Relationships: Spock/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched Star Trek Beyond and this scene came to me. The movies are seriously lacking in Spock/Uhura relationship exploration so I thought I would fill the gaps. Please note, I have only watched the latest movies. In this story, Spock and Uhura are not bonded. This takes place during Star Trek: Beyond

So that was it. Their loving relationship had been severed in a matter of minutes with a few words. Spock had asked her to meet him in his quarters after their shift. Usually, this request would have made her heart flutter in excitement, but that day she felt uneasy and on the edge of dread. The last few months had felt off - like something had shifted in their relationship. 

Her love for him hadn’t faltered, but after the fall of Vulcan and their run-in with Khan, she figured they both needed time to recover and get used to the “new normal”. If she was being honest with herself, his decision to end it between them did not come as a surprise. She had noticed his increasing distance. Their time alone kept being cut shorter and shorter by some excuse or other. Their professional relationship was suddenly priority. She could sense something was coming.

Nyota was hoping he would prove her wrong. She was hoping he would come out of mourning for his planet, his people, and his mother and find something new with her. A new beginning. 

But he wanted something different. He wanted to preserve his species. He wanted to keep what was left of his planet alive. 

She knew he was still speaking, justifying why his reasoning was logical and the best choice for both him and her, but she couldn’t hear the words. Her heart was slowly breaking into pieces as her dreams and hopes for what could have been with Spock shattered. She couldn’t meet his eyes as she sat next to him on the small table in his quarters. 

Keep it together, Nyota, she told herself. She could’t let him see how much this hurt, even if he could feel it.

“I’m sorry, Nyota,” Spock said. His voice, void of any emotion, felt clinical and detached. 

It took a few seconds for her to gather her thoughts and put on a façade of professionalism. She lifted her eyes to his and said, “I understand. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll retire to my quarters. I will return any items you have left there.” She moved to get up. She couldn’t stand being so close to him anymore. 

“That is not necessary. I have been collecting my personal items from your quarters in the last few weeks,” Spock said.

Somehow, hearing him say that hurt more than him saying they should end their relationship. He had been planning this for a while and took measures to make it as seamless as possible. 

“Alright, then” she nodded. 

She quickly got up and out of his room. The walk back to her quarters was short, for which she was thankful. 

As soon as the door to her quarters closed behind her, she let herself feel it all. She wasn’t Vulcan, she could allow herself to feel the full extent of her pain. Then she did something she hadn’t done since before she joined Starfleet - she laid in her bed and cried over a boy. 

But Spock wasn’t a boy, he was a man. He was her man. The one she had chosen to share her life with. Even before joining the Enterprise crew, they had faced so many challenges and obstacles that she believed they could do anything. 

That is until Spock’s planet was destroyed and his mother along with it. Nyota understood why he broke things with her. She agreed with the logic behind it, but it still hurt more than anything she had experienced.

It hurt because this was further proof that she wasn’t good enough for him, that her feelings for him were deeper and stronger than his. There was a reason they weren’t bonded even after being together for years. Him breaking up with her was only a matter of time.

Nyota felt guilty for wanting him to stay with her, explore the universe on the Enterprise, and eventually settle down and have a few pointy-eared kids. What right did she have ask that he choose her? Nyota wished she could fight for him, for them, but it was impossible. 

As she lay on her bed, she let the sadness wash over her. She noticed her sheets no longer smelled of him. It had been a while since they had last shared her bed, so there was barely any trace of him left. 

She let the tears keep falling and stain her pillow. It was cathartic. It was the first step in letting go.

Hours later, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Nyota woke up in her uniform and an aching heart. She sat up in her bed and tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. She walked to the small bathroom in her quarters, undressed and took a long, hot shower. Her ruined makeup and dried tears went down the drain as her resolve to move forward grew stronger. 

She got out of the shower and looked closely at herself in the mirror. She hadn’t changed much in the past few years since she graduated from the Academy. Her hair had gotten longer and there were a few, barely noticeable lines on her face, but everything else remained the same. 

Nyota took pride in her appearance. She firmly believed that your appearance can have a strong influence in how you feel on the inside. Today was no different.

As she got ready for her shift, she reflected on what had changed about her since being with Spock. Being with him made her want to be a top student, an astute Communications officer, and a better, kinder person. He inspired her to push herself and improve. She felt like she was always trying to attain the level of perfection and dedication Spock seemed to naturally have.

Nyota then considered how Spock had changed while they were together. With her, he had become more affectionate, considerate, and…nicer to her and those around him. Nyota felt a smidge better knowing that what they had had benefitted both of them. She felt very mature for making that point. 

She glanced at the clock next to her bed. Her shift was starting in fifteen minutes. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled at the perfectly groomed woman looking back. 

It’s going to be ok, she whispered to herself before heading to the bridge.

Over the years Nyota had perfected the ability to separate her professional life from her personal life. Because she lived and worked on a spaceship without breaks for months on end, it had been challenging at first. Thankfully, focusing on translating transmissions, marveling at new planets and cultures they discovered, and running the Communications department of the Enterprise kept her busy enough. 

She didn't have to worry. There was plenty for her to do. 

Her confidence in her abilities only faltered once that day - when Spock reported to the bridge and greeted her.

“Good morning, Lieutenant Uhura,” Spock said.

Nyota’s breath quickened. It’s as if she had forgotten how handsome he looked in his uniform. She felt the urge to feel what it was like to kiss him again. Did he miss her as much as she missed him already?

She tried her hardest to not let her inner struggle show, only allowing herself to falter for a short moment before finding her strength once again. 

“Good morning, Mr. Spock,” Nyota replied. She noted her voice was clear and calm as she returned his greeting while meeting his eyes. She ignored his raised eyebrow. He could probably tell this was difficult for her, but she carried on like nothing had happened.

The day continued without incident. She focused on her work and collaborated with her fellow crew members when needed, including Spock. 

After her shift was over, Captain Kirk approached her with a jovial smile and leaned on her console.

“So, Nyota,” Jim had gotten used to using her first name when they were not on duty. She found it endearing. She considered him a close friend by now. “Are you excited to spend a few days in Yorktown?”

How could she forget? It had been announced weeks ago that they would be stopping in Yorktown for provisions. She bitterly remembered she had thought about bringing it up to Spock a few days ago in hopes of making plans while they were there, but she didn’t feel confident he would be up for it. 

She gave Jim a small, forced smile and said, “Of course. It’s been a while.” A short, non-committal answer is all Jim was getting from her today. 

Jim furrowed his brow. She knew he was wondering why she wasn’t more cheerful. He knew how much she enjoyed the stops along their 5-year mission. 

Before he could question her, she said, “Sorry, Jim, I would stay and chat, but I gotta go. I have a…thing I have to go to.”

Nyota quickly exited the bridge and headed back to her quarters. She was exhausted. Keeping her cool took a lot out of her. She decided she was going to meditate before bed, a habit she picked up from Spock that proved to do wonders when she couldn’t sleep. 

Tomorrow they would be docking in Yorktown. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, she would be stepping out of the Enterprise, but this time she would be walking alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Bones was right, whiskey can be enjoyable in the right drink, Nyota thought as she finished her third Old Fashioned of the night.

They had docked in Yorktown earlier that week. She had planned on spending the few days she had in the space station by going shopping, exploring the station, and trying the food, all while avoiding thinking or talking about Spock.

She tried to enjoy herself, but it felt forced. Like she was trying to hard to prove to herself that she was fine on her own. This wasn’t what she was expecting.

Thankfully, Bones caught up with her on their fourth day at the station and invited her out for a drink. Nyota quickly accepted. The doctor and her had developed a strong friendship over the years and she always enjoyed his company. Plus, she could use a friend right now.

“I heard you and the green-blooded goblin are no longer an item. Want to drown your sorrows in some booze? My treat,” Bones had proposed.

Nyota wrinkled her nose at his less than considerate phrasing, took a deep breath and said “McCoy, I would like nothing more.”

Two hours later she found herself in a dive bar and more than slightly inebriated with Bones. 

“I told you it was worth it,” Bones replied when she finished her drink. He had convinced her to try the strong, dark cocktail as soon as they sat down. 

The first taste was bitter and too strong for her liking. He promised it got better, so she kept sipping on it. Nyota ended up liking it so much she ordered another…and another after that.

They were sitting on a booth in a quiet corner of the bar, a slow ballad playing in the background. If she had been with anyone else, perhaps the Vulcan she was trying to forget, she would have thought it was quite a romantic setting. 

Ugh, she groaned internally. She promised herself she wouldn’t think or talk about him. She was failing miserably. 

Nyota didn’t even notice when she started to tell Bones about the necklace around her neck. The one she tried to give back to Spock. The one he told her to keep because , “It is not in the Vulcan custom to receive again that which was given as a gift.” 

Then she gave him a small kiss in the corner of his mouth because…it felt like the right thing to do. She was letting her keep a small token of his affection, a memento from his mother no less. 

She wished she would have given it back and have no trace of him left.

“When did he give it to you?” Bones asked as he nodded towards the necklace she was holding in her hand.

“When we first got together. He said his mother had sent him the necklace when she first heard him talk about me,” Nyota smiled at the memory. “I think she knew what was going to happen between us before we did.”

Bones looked at Nyota and offered her a sympathetic smile. He could tell she had more on her mind.

Nyota leaned her face on her hand. Things were starting to get blurry.

“You know, ever since we broke up, I’ve been trying to start over. I thought I was doing a good job at forgetting about him, but look at me. I can’t even avoid bringing him up,” she groaned, out loud this time.

She was ashamed at her lack of strength. She chose to blame the alcohol. 

“Listen, sweetheart,” Bones slurred slightly, “I may not know much about dating a Vulcan but I went through a hell of a divorce way back when and I can tell you it gets better.”

He took another sip of his own Old Fashioned. 

“You’re smarter than most people I know, drop dead gorgeous, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Understand?”

Nyota was touched. It felt good hearing someone say that. 

She nodded, took his hand, and gave it a squeeze. 

“Now,” the doctor said after downing the rest of his drink, “I suggest we get back before they have to carry us out.”


	4. Chapter 4

Nyota woke up with a raging headache that next morning. She rarely drinks as heavily as she did the night before and she was paying for it this morning. Despite her headache, she was happy she was able to let loose and talk about what she was going through. Leonard was a good friend.

She got up, showered, took some medicine, and downed a large glass of water. Her headache was now a dull ache. 

Nyota decided to try one of the ramen joints in the space station that she heard some of the crew talk about. Ramen was comfort food that reminded her of her time in the Academy. Back when her biggest problem was studying for her next xenolinguistics test. 

She got in line, ordered her meal, and sat at a small table near the window. Nyota was getting used to being alone again. It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. 

Her ramen arrived a few minutes later and it was every bit as delicious as advertised. She was relishing in the salty, warm goodness of the broth when she felt someone approach her table. 

“Lieutenant Uhura, may I join you for lunch?” said Spock. 

Nyota’s mouth was full and she tried her best to swallow and gesture for him to sit down across from her at the same time. Then she tried to get over her nerves as he took a seat.

“Thank you,” he said. 

She wasn’t sure what to do or say. She fought the urge to reach into her purse and pull out her mirror to check her appearance. Nyota prayed she didn’t have anything on her teeth or mouth. 

Before she could think of something to say, the waiter brought Spock his meal. He thanked the waiter and began to eat. 

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. She was hyperfocused on her food and tried not to meet his eyes. 

Then he broke the spell. 

“Lieutenant, I’ve been meaning to speak with you, but I have been unable to locate you during our shore leave.”  
“Oh. What did you want to speak to me about?” Nyota asked. Millions of thoughts raced through her mind. Did he reconsider his decision to break it off? Did he want her to transfer to a different ship so he wouldn’t have to see her? Did he find someone else?

In a matter-of-fact tone he said, “While our romantic relationship has ended, I believe we should still have a platonic friendship. Since we are both still serving and will continue to serve on the Enterprise, it is beneficial for us and the crew if we have a friendly relationship.”

He wanted them to be friends...for the sake of the crew and their assignments on the ship? Did he think she was going to let what happened between them get in the way of her job? Nyota thought Spock knew better than to question her ability to perform her duties. It hurt.

Spock must have seen the emotion on her face. He continued, “In addition, although it is difficult for me to admit, there is also a selfish, more...sentimental reason why I want to be your friend.”

That was surprising. “Which is?” Nyota asked while trying to maintain her composure.

Spock hesitated and said, “Nyota, you have been an...important part of my life for the past few years. While the nature of our relationship has changed, I hold the same amount of respect and admiration for you. I would like us to remain friends, only if you are amenable to the idea, of course.”

He called her by her first name. He hadn’t done that since before they broke things off. She could tell it was difficult for him to admit and talk about his feelings, but she knew they were real. 

Could she just be Spock’s friend? Would she be able to see Spock the same way she saw Leonard, Jim, or Scotty? What would happen when, inevitably, he finds and marries a Vulcan woman? Would she wish him well and congratulate the happy couple? 

The strike of jealousy she felt at the thought of Spock with another woman made her realize she couldn’t be his friend. Not now, at least. He was still too ingrained in her heart.

Nyota looked at her half-finished ramen and thought about what she was going to say.

“Spock,” she said, “I’m sorry but I can’t give you an answer right now. I need more time.”

He nodded. She saw the subtle disappointment on his face. This was not the answer he was expecting. 

"But don't worry about the crew," Nyota continued in an ice-cold tone, "I am more than capable of fulfilling my duties and maintaining a professional relationship with you." 

"Nyota, it was never my intention to insinuate..." Spock started.

“I’m sorry,” Nyota interrupted, gathering her things, “but I have to go.” She got up from the table and before leaving she said, “I’ll see you on the bridge, Lieutenant Commander.”

She didn’t look back as she walked out of the restaurant.


	5. Chapter 5

“What are we doing?” Nyota asked in a whisper in the dark, not expecting a response.

It was barely perceivable, but Nyota noticed when Spock hesitated. 

“We are currently lying on your bed,” he responded. 

She rolled her eyes and sat up on the bed. 

“Spock, you know what I mean.”

She thought about the last few days and tried to make sense of their current situation. 

She thought about how not too long ago they were first approaching the nebula, how focused she was on her work, how alarming it was to see the swarm of ships penetrate the Enterprise, how focused she was on keeping everyone safe. She believed she was going to die. She believed Spock was dead along with most of her crew. She believed she was going to die without seeing Spock one last time. 

When he came to “rescue” her she was both elated and concerned — elated to see that he was alive and well and concerned that he was endangering his life once again. 

After Krall — also known as Balthazar Edison — had finally been defeated, they had been cleared from duty while the new Enterprise was being built. 

There was no time to think during those days. There was only time to be grateful for being alive and to grieve for those who lost their lives in the mission. 

Nyota had nothing but the clothes on her back when she arrived at her assigned room in Yorktown. She called her family back home, who were desperate to know if she had made it back. 

“I’m fine, Mama,” Nyota repeated for the third time.

Her mom didn’t look convinced. 

“What about Spock? How is he doing? Did he get injured?” her mom asked. 

Nyota paused. 

She hadn’t told her parents about the break-up. She didn’t think it was a good idea to bring it up now. She didn’t have the energy to have that conversation just yet. 

“He’s fine. Don’t worry,” she reassured as she kept her eyes down, not brave enough to meet her mother’s inquisitive stare. 

“Is he there with you now? I’d like to say hi. It’s been so long since I last saw him.”

“No, um, he’s filling out some paperwork with the Captain and he won’t be back for a while.” Nyota hoped she was convincing. Her mother could always tell when she was lying. 

She saw doubt in her mother’s face. Nyota knew she had a question in her mind, but her mother had decided to let it go — for now. 

“Alright, Ny. Please, take care of yourself and call me again as soon as you can. I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too. Goodbye, Mama.”

The holovid went black.

Nyota sat back on her chair and let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She stood up and walked to the bed and laid down. 

Her mind was racing, but her body was too exhausted. 

As soon as she felt herself fall asleep, she heard a ding in her room. Someone was at her door. 

Maybe Starfleet wanted to examine her again and check for any trauma. 

She stood up and tapped the button to open the door. 

Spock stood at her door with his hands neatly placed behind his back, with a look on his face she hadn’t seen in months. 

“Nyota,” he said.


End file.
